Initiation

Last weekend we initiated three new members into the Dead Parent Club. This club sucks. I can't put it on my resume, and we don't have a clubhouse. At least the meetings usually consist of beer, laughter, family and tears - crucial components of healing. Unfortunately, members never heal completely; they just learn to live with the wounds.

So it goes...

"There's no normal life, Wyatt. There's just life. Now get on with it," said Doc Holiday.

"But he didn't mention how much my heart would ache," said D.

I loved this poem in middle school. Still do.

Nature's first green is gold, her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower, but only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief, so dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

LQ

I Don't Make New Year's Resolutions, But...

I am trying a few things to improve myself.

1. I brought a brush, a lint roller and an extra toothbrush with toothpaste to work. I am trying to brush my teeth during the day, especially after I drink tea. I am sure I look really put-together today. I've brushed my hair and teeth, and rolled my lint.

2. My office kitchen has a constant supply of cookies/candy/giant caramel apples. Most days, I can't say no. So, I've started flicking off and quietly cursing the dessert tray when I walk into the kitchen. Seriously. I think it's working. I just hope no one catches me. People here already think I'm weird.

3. I am going to buy new clothes. I say this about 3 times a month, but I am dedicated now. I need to stop cycling through the same outfits every week. People are starting to notice.

4. I need to go to more concerts. I've been in Chicago for 4 months, and I've only been to one show! Unacceptable. I just bought tickets to Tegan & Sara in March to get me started.

LQ

Optimisim on Bus #145

The man sitting across from me was carrying seven shopping bags. He talked (not sure if it was to me, but I was definitely the only one listening) about how he bought everything with his Official NBA Credit Card. He spent the first 9 minutes of the ride boasting the benefits of the card (personalized team logo! unlimited merchandise! points with each purchase!) and then fell silent for a few minutes.

He looked at me and said, "If all else fails, we can pull this thing over and have a cup of hot chocolate."

I found myself agreeing with him. It made total sense at the time.

Music

Tony (uncle/Godfather) mailed me a CD containing the tunes he is currently listening to (how awesome is that? I love giving/receiving new music.)

The first song is "Homeless" by Guy Clark.

Does he know how much I think about homeless people?! (My journalism professors hate interrobangs. I love them!?!?)

This could only mean:

1. Tony still reads my blog, and noticed the mention of homeless people reminding me of my dad; or

2. Homeless people remind Tony of my dad; or

3. He just likes the song.

Tony: If you are reading this, THANK YOU! I love the CD.

Kelly (cousin) also recently gave me an excellent CD. However, it came with a cautionary note to "take with beer." I did just that.

Shannon (aunt) gave me two couch pillows she made with material she bought while drunk. She thought it would make a great shirt, but in fact, really only makes good pillows.

What a lovely family.

On another note, I have given up "sweets" until Thanksgiving (if you don't think this is a lofty goal, then you don't know me). Does Bailey's Irish Cream count as a "sweet"? It was on sale yesterday, and I couldn't resist. If it does, then I've failed on day one.

I'm Talkin' 'Bout Chi-Town

I've learned a lot about the city in the past two months. Mostly, I like it. A few observations:

1. Umbrellas

They add a ridiculous element to walking, which is already ridiculous. Everyone moves so fast. If someone doesn't move fast enough, you have to pass him with an umbrella. You have to extend your arm and lift the umbrella well over your head so you don't smack anyone in the head as you pass. If the passee also has an umbrella (as they usually do) then you both have your arms extended and must umbrella battle.

Umbrellas are also ridiculous because the wind blows them inside-out like George Banks in Mary Poppins. Luckily, I have a Windbrella. So this doesn't happen to me anymore.

2. Homeless people

I have a lot of homeless people observations. But, most people would probably find it strange that some homeless people remind me of my dad and I budget $5 per week plus granola bars for random peddlers. So I'll skip that part.

Occasionally, a homeless person will make my day more interesting and I am thankful for that. Last week I waited at an ATM, and a haggard-looking man got inches from my face, stuck out his tongue, yelled and shook his head like Animal.

It's hard to say why I enjoyed this, really.

3. Labels

People here are crazy about labelling other people. Generally, I'm not down with labelling an entire group of people. I might label an individual, but only after I know them well enough to label them accurately and descriptively. (e.g. a-hole, baller, Billy Badass etc.)

I am now learning new labels and the neighborhoods they accompany. (e.g. "Wicker Park is where the hipsters hang." Hipster: someone who spends a lot of money to look hip and poor. Yes, I had to have someone define this for me because I heard it so much.)

Like I said, I try to ignore this. Really, how could an ENTIRE neighborhood be dressed hip/poor/rich? However, sometimes I can see how these stereotypes are born. Like when I am leaving a bar in Wrigleyville at 3am and come across six Ed Hardy shirts fighting in the street. (e.g. "Wrigleyville is where the douche-bags hang.")

4. Smells

Occasionally I come across awful smells in the street that don't seem to have a source.

Conversely, sometimes I will come across an equally delicious smell that doesn't seem to have a source.

The latter is almost more disturbing because it's much more likely that I'm enjoying the smell of an aromatic heap of garbage than of a freshly-baked chocolate cake sitting on the side of the road.

More to come, I'm sure.

LQ

PS I realize I used e.g. a lot in this post. Now that I'm rereading it looks stupid, and I'm wondering why I used them in the first place.

Things I Think of in the Shower

My apartment is very exciting. It always sounds as if someone is roaming around because of the noises from the man above (not God...literally, the man above me). This mindfuck is particularly fun when I'm in the shower, feeling vulnerable and unprepared for a fight because I'm naked. I have never spoken with/met/seen the man above, and in fact, he might not be a man. Regardless, I think I know him quite well.

Name:

• Phillip, Phil

Occupation:

• "Business"

Relationship Status:

• Single

Sexual Orientation:

• Straight (He considered himself "bi-curious" for a few years in college)

Interests:

• Dead-lifting at 4 a.m.
• Occasionally attempting Jason Mraz song on guitar
• Compulsively cleaning apartment
• Shot-put collector (This collection is a nuisance because the shot-puts are always falling from their display and rolling around wildly.)
• Pacing apartment for 30 minutes prior to bedtime
• Tricking his neighbors (me) into thinking he is in their (my) living room

I imagine when I run into Phil in the hallway, I will recognize him instantly and say, "Heeey Philly!" He might inform me his name isn't Phil and, actually, he's not a man, but a woman (Phyllis?) with very heavy footsteps and a deep voice.