Things I Think of in the Shower

My apartment is very exciting. It always sounds as if someone is roaming around because of the noises from the man above (not God...literally, the man above me). This mindfuck is particularly fun when I'm in the shower, feeling vulnerable and unprepared for a fight because I'm naked. I have never spoken with/met/seen the man above, and in fact, he might not be a man. Regardless, I think I know him quite well.

Name:

• Phillip, Phil

Occupation:

• "Business"

Relationship Status:

• Single

Sexual Orientation:

• Straight (He considered himself "bi-curious" for a few years in college)

Interests:

• Dead-lifting at 4 a.m.
• Occasionally attempting Jason Mraz song on guitar
• Compulsively cleaning apartment
• Shot-put collector (This collection is a nuisance because the shot-puts are always falling from their display and rolling around wildly.)
• Pacing apartment for 30 minutes prior to bedtime
• Tricking his neighbors (me) into thinking he is in their (my) living room

I imagine when I run into Phil in the hallway, I will recognize him instantly and say, "Heeey Philly!" He might inform me his name isn't Phil and, actually, he's not a man, but a woman (Phyllis?) with very heavy footsteps and a deep voice.